“Mxn vs Man” – They obviously have no identity because they keep trying to find it in WOMxN.

Hegemonic masculinity & patriarchy continue to haunt womxn.

I had a conversation with someone the other day & we realized that this “Pinky Pinky” is an identity that was created to protect men. As children we were warned to never go to the bathroom alone – especially the school bathroom. Maybe this was someone’s way of warning us [womxn] to be vigilant. It is a sad reality that we still live in a world that alters and changes womxn in order for men to live comfortably to say the least. Culture and traditions still perpetuate patriarchy & hegemonic masculinity. The world also continues to teach womxn how to tolerate men’s urges…all in the name of “they’re all like that” or “it’s in their nature”. From simple things like reprimanding the girl child and reminding her that that’s not how “a lady” sits…why? For a man’s comfort. [shrugs]

As womxn, we are taught to smile when we’re alone &  in contact with people who make us uncomfortable because maybe, jjuusst maybe….me being friendly will help him change his mind. Can’t we just mind our own business on some days or live in our sorrows in peace? Now we must stress about our own struggles & nurse other people’s egos or urges?  Also, why are men’s urges perceived as so unnatural and much stronger in contrast to that of a woman? We’re all human at the end of the day. It all goes back to how the society has created this norm that is naturalized and unconsciously accepted. However, we are now a generation that is rapidly moving away from the traditional way of doing things and as womxn, we demand respect & most importantly we have voices.

Men have lived in a world filled with passive womxn. Some countries are still governed by patriarchy and womxn continue to be dominated by the man. I feel that in South Africa, we have been fortunate enough to experience a certain level of freedom which makes it hard to imagine a life without it. South African men are suffering from bruised egos. Is this something that can be attributed to apartheid? Yes – but only as a partial factor; there are many more influences and it not some form of justification for their actions. The injustices of that era have left systematic practices in place that dominate and oppress black people which in turn affect households, relationships and ultimately our lives.

At the same time, we cannot deny the fact that human trafficking is a growing business and the idea is that the human body is something that can be sold over and over again. To perpetrators, it’s just business…nothing personal.  This has placed our [womxn] lives at risk because we are now seen as commodities and resources; resources that have a long life span. Resources that can be used seven days a week and multiple times a day under “appropriate” conditions. Our only sin is being

I don’t know whether we’re well on our way to a probable solution. One thing I know for sure is: Living in South Africa right now…is an extreme sport. Moreover the thought of pathologizing these animals [men] to make excuses for them irks me to my core. May we be thankful for being granted another day to make an impact & may we grow closer to living in a safer country that respects us.

 

A Domineering Matriarch

Letters of all kinds usually begin with the word Dear, but because I am writing to you Pain; I will not regard you with deep affection. I use the capital letter ‘P’ to symbolize how much of a strong hold you still possess over me, you are like a dark cloud or rather a storm that blurs my windscreen and rear-view mirror on my journey of life. It is without great effort that you achieve shifting my focus from the blessings bestowed upon my life and instead magnify your presence in my life, I know they say you come and go but I must say, you have overstayed your welcome and I am ready to release myself from this bondage. It may not be today, but the day is drawing near…

 

Love Letter to my Dearly beloved Madea

Today (19 August 2018) marks the one year anniversary of your passing and it remains a mystery to me how I have gotten through the days. I have been fortunate enough to experience what unconditional love is through you, I believe the next time I come across this form of love…will be when I give it to my own lineage of offspring and I will be sure to do an impeccable job just as you have.

We live in the present moment but the only time we are able to single out significant events is when we reminisce on them, we place value on events post the experience. The present is similar to the time construct; you don’t realize its power and effect until it becomes a memory. If asked to define what unconditional love is, the first mental image we form is that of a person; in my case, it’s you; this depicts how the use of language to describe this phenomenon is doing it an injustice – there just aren’t enough words in the vocabulary. On a lighter note…

I am the woman I am today because of you, because of all the wisdom you’ve planted inside of me. A question with some current colloquial language, how do I know I’m adulting? Simple, the minute everything you said began making sense; the minute I began being as observant as you were was my moment of revelation; most importantly the minute I started thinking “No, there’s food at home, no takeouts tonight”. I just want to say thank you for always being my greatest supporter and having so much faith in me – you believed in me when I had immense self-doubt and that is invaluable to me. I hope wherever you are, you’re proud of the woman I am becoming on a quotidian basis.

The date of your passing lies halfway through Woman’s Month, August. This is no coincidence because you lived a commendable life; you were and will continue to be a resilient, empathetic, loving and selfless powerhouse (only to mention a few). You are the reason we have Woman’s day, to honour women like yourself. Heaven couldn’t wait for you but today I will not grieve you, I will celebrate you with a glass of your favourite wine. I now know that “Life doesn’t come with a manual; it comes with a mother”; rest assured that we, your daughters, are able to navigate ourselves from here. You have mastered your duty and truly outdone yourself, again thank you.

Affirmative much? Yes!

I want to say I love you but the word in itself is an understatement. All I can say is my heart skips multiple beats at the thought of you; seven beats to be quite precise. Rest in Power Mommy, until we meet again…

March 2015, Sister’s Wedding

Ascend

We’re all on some kind of a journey, learning new things about ourselves on a quotidian basis. Whether it involves reaching one’s breaking point or discovering your impeccable sense of composure – the point is, you push yourself a little to the edge every other day at least. I know I do.

We are all overworking, pressurising and pushing ourselves to the limit because we want to live comfortable lives by the time we hit the “life begins” button. Everybody is striving to create multiple streams of income and I imagine it’s because we’ve seen how hard our parents have worked, moreover how much more they had to bend over backwards when it came to providing for our higher education. I myself, had to see my mother resign from work (educator) because the only financially logic form or rather method of funding my education was through her pension fund. All those early mornings; all her hard earned work and sweat – for an entire 27 years. I mean after all those years, you’d expect that that would be her way of thanking herself and finally reaching the financial means to devour herself in all her heart’s desires. I think the beautiful thing from it all, is that she did it in a heartbeat and would surely do it again if need be. She did this because she wanted me to have better opportunities and of course, to live a comfortable life.

Here’s the thing behind a comfortable life, which I try by all means to live by. As individuals, when we reach a place of great comfort [defined: “providing physical ease and relaxation”] in any aspect of our lives; we tend to underappreciate what we’ve cherished prior to receiving it – for example a job, relationship/friendship or an opportunity. The idea is that if you’re not pushing yourself to perform at your optimum, there is no chance for you to grow from this particular experience. Instead I tend to urge a little discomfort; this is because there’s great opportunity for you to grow into your better future self and learn something new– you’re able to develop and build a different “you” thus maximizing your levels of adaptation which will be beneficial because every phase in your life requires a different approach or rather attitude. It is therefore significant to allow yourself to enter these situations or spaces, with the understanding that failure is just an opportunity for you to apply the elimination method. By this I mean…now you know which way doesn’t work, and you’ll do better next time. Don’t back away from challenges, not many people get it right the first time. It’s so easy to get caught up in the glamour of success and forget the amount of hard work involved behind the scenes; also no one wants to start at the bottom anymore. Remember it gets worse before it gets better. It’s genuinely time to back the quote ‘Run Your Own Race”

Its’s no wonder why we live in a society full of individuals suffering from depression and anxiety. Everyone is trying to compare their progress to that of others and when they fail to accomplish what others have in their imagined time frame, they deem themselves unworthy or feel they aren’t good enough, but it’s not realistic. Everyone has different opportunities and resources. Set your own personal short and long term goals which you know are realistic and achievable.

Above anything, as cliché as this may sound, fall in love with yourself on a daily. You’re with yourself 24/7/365 – some days you’re going to be proud of yourself and other days not. The important thing is to practice forgiving yourself as much as you do others. Also, create some form of a mirror ritual that you perform every morning to empower yourself for the day or week – yes, i mean start talking to yourself overtly, its completely normal – it works wonders in uplifting one’s mood & attitude. I encourage that you find new ones so you don’t condition yourself to hearing the same thing – remember what I said about comfort, we surely do not want that.

 

One of my own is “I’M YOU FOR A REASON” followed  by a chuckle, because I’m so inlove with myself.

 

Loss

Loss. What’s the first thing that pops into your mind? An object, an individual or possibly both?

Loss, who are you? ‘I happen to be the fact or process of losing something or someone, I happen to be very eager to meet every Tom, Dick and Harry, basically the list goes on. I come in different forms and disguise myself as heartbreak, an absence of something that was previously present and death – which often leads to my association with pain. It is important to understand that I do not come as a form of forfeiture or rather a penalty for wrongdoing instead I am an inevitable experience which would rather be seen for its collateral beauty too with the hopes of changing one’s life for the better upon my departure.’ Collateral beauty you say? Let us rather leave it at ‘an opportunity to utilize time better and refrain from taking it for granted’.

Loss is one experience neither of us will ever be desensitized to, I mean the fact that it exists and is experienced by everyone else and possibly oneself one day solidifies the idea that we are not in control. Considering that this is a generation that has evolved to having control over their opportunities and lives unlike our ancestors, it is a difficult truth to comprehend that there is a huge portion that we are unable to control – which instils some form of fear. Mainly because we are forced to face the harsh truth that there is some form of higher power in control – this is obviously disparate and distinct to everyone. In seek for consolation, we seem to attribute loss to something or rather seek a deeper meaning for it. For example, if you lost an object (anything with monetary or sentimental value) one would attribute this to an overdependence on this object and losing it was the higher power’s form of signalling and destroying this unhealthy relationship; this could be motivation to engage in other activities or discover and develop oneself further. What then of losing someone?

I mean we know that death exists and that no one is going to live forever but we are still somewhat oblivious to it. I suppose this is something we can attribute to the idea of distance; it’s one thing knowing of death and seeing others experience it and a completely different phenomenon when experienced by oneself – more specifically emotionally. One of the most valuable lessons I’ve learnt from death is that; as much as it hurts losing a loved one, you don’t know the pain that they are suffering from (be it physical and/or emotional) – this applies to both natural and unnatural causes of death such as diseases or accidents. Has it ever crossed your mind that maybe death happened to be their form of relief, do you think they would have been able to handle their new found quality of life? Sometimes you need to step into your empathetic self and imagine things from their perspective. Furthermore, another factor at lay is time…time and fate may have decided that this individual has completed their earthly duties and it’s time for a new journey for them. This is not particularly something easy to stomach but it is some food for thought…

While we’re on the subject of time, I think that if there is anything valuable you should take from reading this it’s that: It is important to get into the mind-set that “time waits for no man”, it is a currency that can either be used or lost (the power is in the hands of the beholder); I’m here to be the little voice someone was once to me – start doing what it is you’re destined to be doing. Whether its in pursuit of a career or hobby, do it, take advantage of time not being your enemy at this moment. However simultaneously find a balance between building your empire and your social life; understand that your career is bound to take precedence but don’t neglect entertainment and rest. As I always say ‘fatigue is a real thing’; it’s important to not take your body for granted, after all…it is the only mode of transport to your future – nurture it.

The Journey Begins

Thanks for joining me! I hope you enjoy this new found journey with me. This is a platform I’ll be using to share my everyday life experiences and views on certain topics which I’m delighted to be sharing with you.

More about me…I am a psychologist in the making, I’m currently completing my Bachelor of Arts Honors in General Psychology. The ultimate goal is qualifying as a clinical psychologist which requires completing my masters degree in Clinical Psychology. I will be sure to keep you posted of my progression in that regard.
I am actively working towards performing at my optimum and I happen to learn something new about myself everyday. I’m passionate about what I do and intend on going all the way.

My main purpose of beginning this blog is to use this as an opportunity to share my life experiences which may empower, uplift, change and/or benefit someone’s life out there – to sum it up, i just want to impact someone for the better. One person at a time, right?
Most of my content will be influenced by Psychology but will be very relatable to everyone.

I hope you enjoy taking this journey with me…

Good company in a journey makes the way seem shorter. — Izaak Walton